Here I am, Lord

Arthur came to our door for his usual bag of food from our food bank. In exchange, he washes the windows of ROP. He is tall with long uncut hair & beard. Weather beaten and aged, it doesn’t seem all that surprising when you discover him talking to himself.

Rather than hold a sign that reads WILL WORK FOR FOOD, Arthur has created hand made tools and poles he uses to wash windows. Businesses offer him cash for services which he survives on and shares with others.

Arthur calls me by a different name every time he comes. He knows I’ll visit awhile after I bring his food.
It’s hard to follow the conversation when he talks of swimming at restaurants and deserts in people’s ears.
I can’t change Arthur or fix him, only accept him as a child of God. Yet, I have something to learn from Arthur for I can feel Christ with us every time I just sit and listen.

Fuming to Counting Blessings

There has been more than one snow this last month that left my car covered.  Road conditions no one liked, and my appointments for work didn’t just cancel just because I didn’t want to drive.

I admit, I don’t have the greatest attitude for others sometimes, when I’m driving; so I’ve learned to pray.  This last month, it kind of went like this...

I hate scraping the car ~ Well at least I have a car

I have a garage to, but we’re using it for sorting through our household projects, and Christmas. Guess we’re blessed.

I hate driving in the snow ~ at least you’re not freezing at the bus stop. Think of all those people you’re seeing that don’t have a choice.

I have a warm home and food on my table, kids and a husband that love me.  We may not have a lot, but we have all that matters.

Thank you again, Jesus, for putting things in perspective.  Now, which station is it that has nonstop Christmas songs on the radio?  =)

"What are you most thankful for?" she asked.

You mean beyond the funnies, cordless power drills, silly puns, super glue?   

No seriously, I guess it would be my parent’s example.

I was estranged from my parents for many years, something they didn't want.  It took years and obvious evidence of their trying before I believed they really wanted to close the breach.  It was never easy.

We all had to work hard at not letting the past rob the future, letting go of old hurts, and harsh communications, to build new memories and good experiences shared once more.  Because of the time and work we put in, our bonds are strong and I can safely say I count them as my closest friends.

So, if I must pick one thing I'm grateful for, it would be my parent’s ability to fight the odds, admit mistakes, and change with the need to strive for something beyond measure; and their patience in passing that skill along to me.  It has made me a better person and steadied all my relationships since.

Oooo, and I’m grateful for hot cocoa.  =)

Thanksgiving Thoughts

⁶ “No, this is the kind of fasting I want:   Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.

⁷ Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide  from relatives who need your help.

⁸ Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind.

⁹ Then when you call, the LORD will answer. 'Yes, I am here,' he will quickly  reply. "Remove the heavy yoke of  oppression. Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!

¹⁰ Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.

¹¹ The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and  restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

¹² Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.  Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes.”  

Isaiah 58: 6-12  NLT

Charity

Charity is an amazing young woman in her early 20’s that has tons of  energy and enthusiasm to volunteer with teens along East Colfax because she has been one.

I met her six months ago when she came to ROP excited about our passion and mission.  As we talked it became clear that, though a Christian, she was not living a lifestyle in line with God’s word.  Though I could not put her in a volunteer         position, I encouraged her heart and passion for the children and her very new walk of faith.

She comes intermittently  and asks me tons of things about starting a non-profit of her own, or even just a sports program for inner city children.  I could have just told her all the flaws yet we need women like her.  Each time, I give her the truth, but as an equal, with lots of examples for her to see from a greater perspective, and tons of encouragement, too.

Today she shared that she is now working with kids!  And I shared what an inspiration she has been to me, a street kid too, that God saved so that I could reach out to others.

Got Glass?

My Dad told me a favorite engineering joke once that changed my life:

“The pessimist says the glass in half empty;
the optimist, the glass is half full;
the engineer takes one look and says,
‘You’ve got too much glass.’”

I laughed of course, yet it stuck with me, even to my evening prayers. That’s when my mind stilled enough to hear a still small voice.  I had been hungering to feel closer to God yet felt like dry old leaves, blown by every wind, and overwhelmed.

A piece of scripture or just a phrase came to mind in that quietness, “I will fill your cup to overflowing.” Whether it read: my heart or my life with blessings, I couldn’t remember. I just knew it was something good, and what God intended for me, always.

I had been so busy doing for God and clinging to what I thought I needed, that I had forgotten to seek only Him as He striped things away and added things to my life according to His will.  Now, thanks to two fathers, both fantastic engineers. I try not to cling to things I own, or join things that are not God’s will for me.

I’m learning more each day how to give like all I own & earn are God’s and that He can be trusted to, not just take great care of me, but bless me beyond measure.

You know I'm right...

Do we really think that being right is more acceptable in God's eyes than valuing a relationship?

The need to be right is such a part of human nature, who doesn't suffer from it?  I know I'm no exception!  All I have to do it take one look at my marriage.  My husband and I didn't meet until I was 36.  He had been married with children before, I never had.  I had already been a missionary for 5 years and had confessed to my dad that "I've become so set in my ways, I'm not sure a man could stand being married to me."

I felt so close to God, seeking Him in ministry, in every day things, in everything.  At first it was hard to believe He meant marriage to this wonderful man & his children for me.  We took our time, prayed, and married in a cloud of love.  What do they say about the honeymoon phase wearing off?

I make no excuses that I came from a checkered background.  Consequently, I think my insecurities and justifications for my behavior are as strong as that deep well inside me that needs to be seen as right and acceptable.  I remember reading somewhere a quote. "Amazing how your bad habits disappear when you live alone."  Great for a laugh, a little too close to home those first years of marriage.

God had so much to teach me as He lead me so far out of my comfort zone.  Everyone loves those verses about love in I Corinthians and how it goes on to speak in chapter 13 about "without love, I am nothing."  It was verse 5 that gave me the most trouble. "[Love] does not demand its own way." NIV

Ouch! Unconditional love, ouch.  It starts, 'this is how I do it'; then, 'my way is better', and it goes downhill from there.  Long story short, God brought me to I John 4:19-21. "If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar.  For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.  And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

First I had to learn to shut my mouth and let God lead instead of my emotions.  Though Christ I began to discover the deeper blessings He had for me.  My love and need to protect could be stifling, yet my respect was a cherished gift.  My knowledge, prized, when asked for and only then freely given.  Reminders became caring teamwork, rather than critical statements.  Gently peeling back one layer at a time, Jesus is taking me deeper into understanding unconditional love.  I still have a lot to learn.  And learn again and again.

It is not a perfect marriage, but a Christ lead one of two very human beings.  Loving my husband has made me a better person.  It taught me about unconditional love, relationships, and issues that stem from a need to be right.  It's made me a better missionary.  I see God's desire for relationships in a whole new light.

Recently I read something by Jeff Rosenau, in his book: "When Christians Act Like Christians, God's Call to Christlike Civility" that put the words to what I feel like I'm learning and observing more clearly in my church, my ministry, and my community:

     How is it that God's people withdraw our love from one another over matters such as contemporary and traditional music, when God's desire is for us to be known for our love for one another?
     It happens when Satan deceives us into believing two lies that lead to the withdrawing of our love for others.
     Those two lies are:
          1. Issues are more important to God then relationships.  (but they're not!)
          2. Being "right" is more important to God then doing right.  (but it is not!)

     There is a strong desire within human beings to be "right" and to get our way.  So when someone comes along who doesn't see things exactly as we do, with the potential to keep us from getting our way, our sinful hearts and spiritual immaturity are often revealed.

After I read that, Christ put the thought through my mind; self-confidence is not about feeling confident you're right.  Its strength lies in the fact that it really is about knowing you can be wrong, learn from it, and it isn't the end of the world.  The relationships I keep and the love I show are much more precious.