You know I'm right...

Do we really think that being right is more acceptable in God's eyes than valuing a relationship?

The need to be right is such a part of human nature, who doesn't suffer from it?  I know I'm no exception!  All I have to do it take one look at my marriage.  My husband and I didn't meet until I was 36.  He had been married with children before, I never had.  I had already been a missionary for 5 years and had confessed to my dad that "I've become so set in my ways, I'm not sure a man could stand being married to me."

I felt so close to God, seeking Him in ministry, in every day things, in everything.  At first it was hard to believe He meant marriage to this wonderful man & his children for me.  We took our time, prayed, and married in a cloud of love.  What do they say about the honeymoon phase wearing off?

I make no excuses that I came from a checkered background.  Consequently, I think my insecurities and justifications for my behavior are as strong as that deep well inside me that needs to be seen as right and acceptable.  I remember reading somewhere a quote. "Amazing how your bad habits disappear when you live alone."  Great for a laugh, a little too close to home those first years of marriage.

God had so much to teach me as He lead me so far out of my comfort zone.  Everyone loves those verses about love in I Corinthians and how it goes on to speak in chapter 13 about "without love, I am nothing."  It was verse 5 that gave me the most trouble. "[Love] does not demand its own way." NIV

Ouch! Unconditional love, ouch.  It starts, 'this is how I do it'; then, 'my way is better', and it goes downhill from there.  Long story short, God brought me to I John 4:19-21. "If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar.  For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.  And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

First I had to learn to shut my mouth and let God lead instead of my emotions.  Though Christ I began to discover the deeper blessings He had for me.  My love and need to protect could be stifling, yet my respect was a cherished gift.  My knowledge, prized, when asked for and only then freely given.  Reminders became caring teamwork, rather than critical statements.  Gently peeling back one layer at a time, Jesus is taking me deeper into understanding unconditional love.  I still have a lot to learn.  And learn again and again.

It is not a perfect marriage, but a Christ lead one of two very human beings.  Loving my husband has made me a better person.  It taught me about unconditional love, relationships, and issues that stem from a need to be right.  It's made me a better missionary.  I see God's desire for relationships in a whole new light.

Recently I read something by Jeff Rosenau, in his book: "When Christians Act Like Christians, God's Call to Christlike Civility" that put the words to what I feel like I'm learning and observing more clearly in my church, my ministry, and my community:

     How is it that God's people withdraw our love from one another over matters such as contemporary and traditional music, when God's desire is for us to be known for our love for one another?
     It happens when Satan deceives us into believing two lies that lead to the withdrawing of our love for others.
     Those two lies are:
          1. Issues are more important to God then relationships.  (but they're not!)
          2. Being "right" is more important to God then doing right.  (but it is not!)

     There is a strong desire within human beings to be "right" and to get our way.  So when someone comes along who doesn't see things exactly as we do, with the potential to keep us from getting our way, our sinful hearts and spiritual immaturity are often revealed.

After I read that, Christ put the thought through my mind; self-confidence is not about feeling confident you're right.  Its strength lies in the fact that it really is about knowing you can be wrong, learn from it, and it isn't the end of the world.  The relationships I keep and the love I show are much more precious.

A Stirring Why...

You are part of God’s calling for missionaries. What calling, you ask? You’ll find it in Matthew 9: 37-38. It goes like this…

“The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest field.”

So now what? That’s easy! Be obedient and pray for laborers! For some of you this will mark a time when God uses your prayer life to support and encourage a missionary. For some, this will mark a time when God uses you to meet the practical needs of a missionary. For others, this will mark a time when God stirs you up to become a missionary. Whether it is in Aurora, like me, or across the sea, it is a blessing to follow.

Please allow me to share my heart with you so that you can become part of God’s call on my life as a missionary. It has grown over the last 9 years from working with at-risk teens to building relationships and community for my East Colfax neighborhood, my ministry to small groups and individuals just like you.

But first, some background on who I am as a Christian & a missionary…

I became a prodigal living along East Colfax by the age of 10 and proceeded to make uninformed and simply bad choices which led to crime and abuse. My story could have ended there, as a victim living in fear and emotional isolation, but for the grace of God.

Nothing fancy changed my prodigal perspective. I just began meeting some everyday Christians, just like you. People that prayed, chatted, invited me for a meal, or simply treated me with quiet respect. Steered back to reconciliation with my family, my parents and I worked to rebuild trust and friendship. The Holy Spirit did the rest and I discovered that I could find healing for my body, mind and soul through Christ. No longer a victim, I am a survivor, and through Christ, so much more.

Now, a missionary to the very streets that tried to brake me. I’m passionate about sharing God’s plans for building relationships, and for community development with church partners and champions. Now I am a point person for agencies & churches serving our community. Additionally, I facilitate our church partners in offering their congregations safe & enriching opportunities for them to serve God as they serve His marginalized people & at-risk children.

As Christ is faithful to bring alongside me pastors to instruct me, a willing team of Champions, and most importantly a prayer team (that would be you! Yes, you!) I want to thank you in advance for your prayers, for the gifts and support as you become a partner in building God’s kingdom, and the time you will take in asking God to lead you to what He has for you.

In faith,           

Vicki Ekberg  

Give us this day

Asking a small group of teens what they think about 9/11 is not as different as you'd expect:

"I think it's stupid!  We should have just dropped the big bomb on their a**es. Nobody should be messin' with us!"

"I think the government is stupid.  They could have stopped it.  They just wanted a reason to crack down on everybody.  My brother says they just want to read our email and listen to our cell phones and lock us up."

"I think you're stupid.  I'm glad that they are doing a memorial so people have a place to come, like a headstone at a grave.  It's important to have a place to go when you miss someone."

"But not everyone one gets a memorial, not everyone gets remembered." (His father had been shot and killed in front of him just 2 month ago by a police officer.)

So I asked her, "Why do you think it's important to have a memorial where we can go to mourn?"

"Because we need to feel close to them.  And maybe close to others that lost, too. Like when you talked to us about God wanting us to know people instead of just judge them.  That it's harder to hate a group when you know someone in it that gives you a different story."

"That doesn't mean that group won't still kill you, though."

"No, but I don't want to live like I'm afraid.  I want to count the good things, the things I can control, like my friends, my family, the people in my life.  I don't want no lairs, or players, or crooks in my life anymore."

"But it's bigger than that!  If I want someone to respect me, than I need to look them in the eye.  They have to see me, not some gang, or school, or group.  They need to know my name."

I asked the group, "What do you think would change if that were true?"

There were no great big solutions that night.  No earth shattering revelations.  Yet, we all shared our points of view, learned something deeper about each other and our world.  I felt the Spirit moving from one to another, to another.  These are the conversations I cherish, because I know if we don't communicate and create community together, we all lose.

Creature Comforts?

I have an old car. It will be 12 in December and I got it new, back in the day. Not a fancy model, just basic window hand cranks, stick shift and factory basics. It gets me from point A to B in an economical fashion, though tall people have complained of cramped quarters.

This is the first year that the a/c gave out, and it's not just about how hot it is outside, it's about the broiling heat of a car interior, in the summer. Grumpy doesn't cover it. I'm not sure even cranky could. Yet the adaptability of humans brought nostalgia of my younger years. I never had air conditioning until well after college.

The earliest vehicle of my experience, I recall didn't even have seat belts, at least to my memory. And now, rolling down my windows for 30mph breezes seemed to invite others to wave or ask a question through my open window at a stop light.

Christ helped me to notice again what flourishes despite adverse conditions. The evenings in my neighborhood are a social event whether for the family or the block. Houses are stifling so you open everything up, including the front door and you move out to the porch. Kids begin playing in the yard or the street, while mom and dad watch out for them and chat together. Parks fill up while dusk lingers and some soccer or picnic dinners take over the grass.

When adverse temperatures meets community disparity, God is often and easily called upon for only He controls the clouds, the evening breeze, a light rain shower. In discomfort, we reach beyond our ruts and our comfort zones to seek relief. Even if it is only to share our concerns and hopes for a change in the weather.

It reminds me all over again that the poor have something to teach. That community doesn't spring from committee, but from connection. God calls us into community, which starts with relationship, light or deep, for He seeks to connect to and with us all. Yet, it is discomfort and faith that are often the only way that we stretch, grow, connect, and learn of a greater treasure than our comfort.

Just listening...

She's twelve and dressed from school in her ratty comfortable clothes and her mother's borrowed high heel shoes. She's explaining to me what teacher's and classes she has this year that she likes and hates. She fills me in on what bullies are back this year & how there was only 5 minutes left to eat after she got through the lunch line.

I only ask an open ended question very rarely because she's become comfortable with what we call our "dump" sessions. Where it's safe to laugh, cry, be mad, or have a ton of questions about things she doesn't want to share with Mom & Dad.

There is always something deeply reveling as I just stay still and listen. "We have to pick two objects to take to our science class that describe us," she says. "I picked a really tiny gun for the violence in my life. I don't have one for sorrow yet. I wish I could just print a sad face off the internet, but mom will be on the computer."

The tragedy is that this isn't a street kid on Colfax. She lives in South Aurora, among the expensive homes & the Cherry Creek School District. Violence in children's lives does not except physical boarders or economic boundaries. I meet at-risk kids everywhere.

Enough to make a tough nut cry...

I don't choose to live a difficult life, that would be stupid.

I don't choose to struggle with finances, worry about things I can't control, the abuses I see every day in ministry to the marginalized. I don't ever want to be a disappointment to my husband, step-kids, parents, family, friends, but I do fail sometimes.

Yet, when I am following the will of God and should I then suffer, that's something else entirely.

It felt like the gentle, convicting, energizing voice of the Holy Spirit speaking through a friend of mine when he said, "ever notice how He can find few who will go into the really hard places? Hard working conditions, hard marriages, hard churches?" Though we were talking generally, it hit me and rang true deep into my heart & mind.

At first it was affirming, urban ministry can be hard. Then it is convicting, marriage can be hard, staying close to my family that doesn't like me, disagreements of ideology, tasks, or even solutions with Christian co-workers. Finally, it evokes in me a deep desire to stay right where God wants me, hard or not, because Christ didn't count the cost it took to find me and save me from my sin and myself.

I tease with a girlfriend a few days later, "I'm a Christian because it's the only religion that would have me after the life I lived." We laughed a little, and inside my soul, I shared a smile with Jesus because the aches & pains turn sweet with time, because of the miles we've walked and the tears we've shared over the years.

My Name is not Those People

I am overwhelmed

I somehow thought this would be easy. With my old passion for writing, my strong opinions, and my desire to communicate...

I have too many excuses and not enough practice. And yet I do. I've written articles for years and shared my passion for ministry with people, in person, for years...

I guess I haven't exposed my own personal thoughts, every day thoughts to any one really, for a very long time...

So pardon the fits and starts. I will be taking up this challenge again! =]