I don't choose to struggle with finances, worry about things I can't control, the abuses I see every day in ministry to the marginalized. I don't ever want to be a disappointment to my husband, step-kids, parents, family, friends, but I do fail sometimes.
Yet, when I am following the will of God and should I then suffer, that's something else entirely.
It felt like the gentle, convicting, energizing voice of the Holy Spirit speaking through a friend of mine when he said, "ever notice how He can find few who will go into the really hard places? Hard working conditions, hard marriages, hard churches?" Though we were talking generally, it hit me and rang true deep into my heart & mind.
At first it was affirming, urban ministry can be hard. Then it is convicting, marriage can be hard, staying close to my family that doesn't like me, disagreements of ideology, tasks, or even solutions with Christian co-workers. Finally, it evokes in me a deep desire to stay right where God wants me, hard or not, because Christ didn't count the cost it took to find me and save me from my sin and myself.
I tease with a girlfriend a few days later, "I'm a Christian because it's the only religion that would have me after the life I lived." We laughed a little, and inside my soul, I shared a smile with Jesus because the aches & pains turn sweet with time, because of the miles we've walked and the tears we've shared over the years.
My Name is not Those People
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