Why Can’t We Just Fix it?!

One of our RWC church volunteers came to me in frustration asking if I had met with a certain new homeless family attending our church.

When I told her I had, she asked me what the deal was with this single mother & her 3 children. “They add a different part of the story every time I talked with them. They didn’t seem to focus on making things better and showed no signs of improvement after a couple of months.”

Recognizing her frustration to “fix it,” I said a silent prayer and tried to respond kindly and factually. Her heart to help is passionate and compassionate, but I realized she was suffering because she had no power to change this woman or her circumstances. It’s a painful place to find yourself in, as a Christian.

Real trauma hasn’t the rhyme or reason that someone raised in structure is used to having as a rule. Until real trauma is processed, it is often remembered out of order and with missing pieces that aren’t put in until the 5th, 6th, 7th attempt to process it. Weird triggers can set off bad reactions or choices.  Different people, there at the same time, can have vastly different perspectives on events & their order.  Ask any Vet back from the battlefield.

“Progress is a nice word.

But change is its motivator.

And change has its enemies.”

                                  - Robert Kennedy

Changing reactions to triggers, or changing how we make choices takes time and a lot of help and understanding.  Especially if you’ve never really known structure or just lost it all.

Jesus knew that. If they didn’t already want to change, there was no changing
someone with a quick fix or even healing, not with free will in reign.  Relational ministry doesn’t look to fix people. It teaches that we all have brokenness.  When we look at each other as equals, loved by God, with gentleness and respect, can we learn to help one another through our relationships.

Even when we desire change in our own lives, it takes support & understanding, those that help us pick ourselves up when we fail and need to start again. Other’s choices and lives that teach us something about our own and help us see the possibilities.

I wanted to share that same respect and gentleness with our volunteer. Talking about the facts, but also sharing some of my journey of working to become more like Christ to those that had no experience with the love and dignity that can develop in real friendship.