I’m not just talking about the fear of failure that can paralyze and unman me at times. I’m talking about failing; dealing with failure. Yes, being a called missionary for God does not mean I always succeed. I’m human, I fail.
I’ve had to deal with a couple of them this summer. Reactions to things that I’m not proud of, and dropping the ball when someone was counting on me. Tearful prayers to God asking Him to correct and heal what I broke. Bad dreams over what I cannot control or erase. Wondering if I’m failing God and should I leave the field after 11 years.
So, I have been reading through the bible, a little each morning. New to Old Testament, I now find myself in Genesis. Reading about the greats: Abraham, Isaac & Jacob. Though they love God and follow His direction, they fail consistently and often. I’m reading more verses on what they got wrong then there are verses about what they got right.
And that still small voice echoes through the din of my resounding failures… Whispers of correction and encouragement, “Do you really think I’m not in control?” “Do you really think I cannot use someone’s failure to further My Kingdom and Gospel?”
Relationships are messy & I can mess up really good sometimes. Thank Jesus that it isn’t me alone out here on Colfax. Healing the relationship after a failure is all I strive to do. Praying God into every relationship is a daily need.
