Automatic Breaking System

I got word just a few days ago; one of my prodigal family had died at age 23.  I hadn’t seen him in a few months, walking around Colfax or Peoria or 11th, and I always do.  He always had a smile and a wave when he recognized my car.  We always took the time to talk when we happened to see each other at the grocery store, or wherever.

Dustin was a light hearted soul, stuck in a world of harsh consequences.  He wanted to be liked so much, that lies and boastfulness became some of his standard tools.

I was just getting to know Dustin, years ago, when I finally got to meet the real young man behind the mask.  He was running toward the locked front door at Coffee House, when I saw him through the glass.  I rushed to meet him.  Unlocking the door, I saw the five kids running after him in the background.  Once inside, I witnessed them stop, talk, and finally walk away.  My eyes closed in thanks to God for turning them around, as my heart rate started to try and settle back down.

Dustin was a mess.  He wasn’t ducking his head in shame, though. He had thrown it back to try to stop his bleeding nose.  It had bled halfway down his shirt, as it was.  Taking stock now, bloody nose, bloody hands from a fall, skinned knees and bare feet.  As I moved to help him, he burst out, “don’t touch the blood, Ms V.”  I took a deep breath and starting praying again as I went to get the medical kit with gloves.

“They got my phone and my shoes,” he worried aloud, “my mom just got them.”  I tried to reassure, even as I was cleaning him up.  However, I didn’t know his mom at all, I couldn’t have said how she would react.  I started with asking about his mom, eventually offering to go in with him, when he talked with her.

This whole situation tore down the walls between Dustin and me.  He let me see the real person behind the defenses he’d built.  That afternoon made us family, and we talked and stayed in touch, even after he stopped coming to Coffee House.

I know relationships built living along Colfax can create some unusual families.  Chosen families that just as often have as many dysfunctions as blood related families do.  Relationships that God uses to shape me, just as much as anything I might say or do shapes others.

Life gets in a rush, here, just like everywhere else.  And in the rush sometimes, I hit a hidden patch of black ice and I lose all traction.  Only Christ gives me that ABS feeling of helping me come to a controlled stop to seek Him in the midst of chaos and loss.

To hear this last week that Dustin had died in January has put the breaks on my life for a time.  He is not the 1^st prodigal teen I have lost to death.  Each teen and each relationship is unique.  Losing Dustin has put me in my Heavenly Father’s arms, aching at this loss.  There are no words for this feeling.  I’m so glad Jesus doesn’t need them to hear my heart.

Who is Lighting the Way for Who?

I remember the days before I was nine.  Teacher's talking behind closed doors.  I overheard words like gypsies, transient.


I remember the look in someone's eyes when they were just "uncomfortable" with me.  Whether it was how I looked, smelled, talked, or gave them the eye, they were uncomfortable.  I was left to wonder why.  What about me makes you look at me like I'm something stuck to the bottom of your shoe?  What makes you whisper to someone next to you when I walk by?


Street teens have told me the stories of being told quietly, off to the side, by someone in the church that the teen is new to, that they need to: dress differently, look differently, speak differently.  Translation:  be someone else before you're welcome in God's House.  I've experienced it, in some form, have you?


I remember learning that Anger is a secondary emotion, it is caused by first or primary emotions like: shame, insecurity, disrespect, fear, etc. 


I remember sitting on a bed, hurt at what Christians could do, and my mother passing on the lesson that "they are God's beloved children, too," even when they're not seeing the whole picture of God's kingdom.

We're all broken, under construction, learning to draw closer to Christ.  We all can carry His light.  I feel a confidence when I introduce myself as "a sinner saved by grace."  I wish I did when I say I am a Christian...